July 2011
1 post
Radical Self Love Bootcamp Redux
I’m so excited that Gala Darling will be giving a Radical Self Love Bootcamp this Fall!! I’ve been feeling the self loathing a lot lately. Especially since my hours were reduced at work and I am having trouble finding a job. Even with my skill set and business background, I am without a bachelor’s degree, so it seems harder to find employment these days when companies want...
April 2011
1 post
Radical Self Love in a New Relationship
I’ve been pondering some things that a certain person said to me a few days ago. It really struck a chord with me because not only did it hurt, but it also smacked of a superior judgement that the person thought they knew what was good for me, better than I would know myself.
“I wish you had stayed single longer, you were just starting to grow as a person.”
I thought about...
March 2011
7 posts
BLOW
Blow is the shit we put up our noses, the little white lies we tell ourselves in order to feel better, to survive, to be seen as unique or different from everyone else, to hide from our own reflections, to be accepted. It’s the fake, chemical garbage of our own self-deception.
I’ve been using Blow to shroud myself in an aura of acceptance and tolerance. To appear to be the cool chick,...
Luna
Apt is my chosen name, Luna. I find it unsurprising that as the “Supermoon” ascends to her full blossom, I am as an orb in a sea of lunatics, their insanity crashing against me like waves against a buffer.
Why is it that no one seems to see the aspects that the moon creates, affecting the tides, pulling our emotions in and out of alignment. Is there no preparation to be done to...
Walking The Middle Path
When I walk alone, I am able to hold myself up, carry myself forward, see the past behind me and slowly let go. I feel stronger because I had to learn to be by myself. I am free to be who I want to be and do what I want to do, when I don’t have a tiny hand to hold. When I am Mother, I place certain confines before me to keep the world at bay. I isolate us in safety and shroud myself in solitude. I...
"Be Inspired"
For my artistic friends: I submitted this blog post for entry into a wonderful and creatively inspired blog called Kisses and Chaos. The blogger had already written on this topic so she passed on my particluar blog article. But since I am on a creative quest of my own, I decided to repost it here for my readers. (All 5 of you!)
Before you hit the proverbial wall of the universe and collapse into...
Over it
It just hit me that I didn’t feel a thing when my ex-husband wasn’t at my daughter’s birthday party this weekend. I didn’t have a single fantasy about what could have been. It didn’t hurt that he wasn’t there to film or take photos of her opening her presents, or blow out her candles with her. I didn’t even think of him once, in fact, I didn’t even...
Feeling Whole
Spending the weekend with my family has closed some gaps in my energy field as well as receiving some reiki infused gifts of protection and strength in the mail from a friend. The moon’s energies, combined with new movements in my life, have made me feel strangely hollow this month. Since putting my life back together from the ground up has taken so much of my careful focus over the past...
The Process of Becoming Real
READ ME: Alice looked and read the little glass vial, it said DRINK ME: Alice drank the sugary liquid. She felt her insides turn and suddenly she started to grow…
I’ve decided to continue this blog because I am still in need of writing down my thoughts as I continue to engage in the process of becoming.
Right now I feel as if I hang in the balance between knowing what is good for me and doing what...
Day 28 - Reflections
When I first encountered the concept of Radical Self Love, I thought it was about body image, being free to express one’s unique self, accepting without judgement one’s flaws and finding pleasure in the every day experience of the body.
During the writing of this blog, intended to be a 28 day exposition into my inner world, I encountered obstacles, triumphs, lessons-learned and...
February 2011
25 posts
This is Madness
Two days later, and periodically my heart fills with dread and my hands start to involuntarily shake. I bring myself back to a tentative center, slowly, breathing one moment at a time. I look around at the obvious peace and quite of the home I created and eventually my muscles relax and I find my place again. PTSD.
I will live with it my whole life.
Even now as I recoil in horror from anything...
My Art
I’ve picked up the peices of the torn sheet music and put them back together, hanging a bit crooked on the wall and staring into them for a glimpse of inspiration.
Some people create art for art’s sake, others make art from madness, still others take a more technical approach. I have always relied upon a Muse. As a poet’s Muse was perhaps a Siren calling from within a dark sea,...
Very Real (That's a Warning)
Disclaimer: This post is going to be very candid. If you are reading this and know me, please make the decision now to whether you feel comfortable with as much as I am going to reveal in this post. And if you do read it, please do so without judgement. If you’re one of my readers, prepare yourself for some Radical Self-Exposure.
I’m going back to my memories of early childhood, back...
Pushing Boundaries
If the world is to progress we must push beyond our comfort zones, beyond our norms and our complacency, we must learn to see the future as a myriad of diverse elements to be experienced without the shadow of judgement.
So many moments in the day I am confronted with my own learned social boundaries and the roadblocks to progress that I put in place in my own life. Resistance to change is only...
True Love
I honestly don’t think I work well in a Triad, I have trouble splitting my attention and I am such a passionate person that I become single-minded in my focus on the object of my passion. Psychologically, I don’t think I was prepared for the level of extreme passion I felt when my daughter was born. I wasn’t one who had thought about having kids since I was a little girl, I...
Day 9: You Don't Have to Like Me
Part of being me, I have this particular affliction, for some reason I want everyone to really like me. Such an unrealistic goal I know, but I am really bothered when I find out that a person doesn’t like me. I guess I can’t handle rejection.
In fact I am going through the throws of rejection right now. Why don’t they like me? How can I learn to understand them better so that...
Day 8: Perfection
I’m not sure how I got to a place where everything I did was measured on someone elses idea of perfect, but I got there. I didn’t even notice how the idea of someone elses perfect had infiltrated my entire life until I was no longer accountable to anyone but msyelf.
Being single has a way of opening your eyes so that all you really see is yourself in relation to yourself. As I looked...
Day 7: My Body
I always wanted a dancer’s body, strong, lithe and lean. When I was seven, however, I was told that I was too tall to be a ballerina and then my family ran out of money so I was forced to stop dancing.
I always wanted a model’s body, thin, angular and long, but when I was 17, after attending modeling school, I learned that I was too short for runway and my family couldn’t...
Day 6: Body Conscientiousness
This morning I began to think of all the little things that I neglect when it comes to my body. My feet, for example, they carry me everywhere, hold me up, dance with me, and yet I give them no attention, practically ignoring their existence - Until my daughter looked at my feet one day and asked “What happened?”. It was then that I knew I must do something!
I remembered Hersch...
Day 5: Self Loving
My own company is something that is a rarity as a single mom. I often have a little companion who needs me and my focus is mostly on her, she is only still a toddler afterall. Recently though, I have been making efforts to care for my body sensually and tonight I had my first solo sexual foray in a very long time.
I purposefully went out and purchased a few sex toys, took myself out to dinner...
Day 4: Relief
Eyes - It makes sense that eyes have a deep effect on me. I resonate with many of the sayings surrounding they eye, “The eyes are the windows to the soul”, “Beauty is in the eye of the beholder”, “An eye, for an eye”.
When I was a little girl, I was terrified of a girl who had an eye deformity - she was born with no upper eye lids. I used to run from her,...
Day 3: Hey Sugar
Sugar and I have a love-hate relationship. I LOVE sugar. I love candy, cookies, cupcakes; anything sweet. But at the same time, I know how bad sugar is for you, and yet, I succumb to its charms every time. I even give sugar to my daughter when I don’t want to.
Sugar mends things, it calms, holds, supports and gives pleasure, but it is a terrible crutch. It can cause dramatic mood swings,...
Day 2: THE BOOBS THAT AREN'T MINE
Okay, well, this title is a little misleading. They are mine, they’re not implants, but right now they belong to my daughter Sophia. Or more precisely they belong to me, but she commands them.
I wanted to be a Radical hippy mama with rock star tendencies and breastfed my baby until she turned two. After a while, I decided that she could wean whn she was ready, hoping that would be by the...
Radical Self Love - Day 1
It’s 3am Wednesday morning. I haven’t gone to bed yet, though I am exhausted, but I am also excited about the journey that I have chosen to embark upon.
I am filled with a mixture of curiosity, anticipation and wonder. Can I really do this? Am I up for the challenge? Why do I feel slightly silly using the closing “Peace, love and Cupcakes”?
All I know is that if I can...
Love Lights the Way
I’ve tried blogging several times before without much success. I always seem to lose interest in the subject matter, even if it’s something I’m passionate about.
But this time it’s going to be different.
If there is one thing that can captivate my attention, it’s talking about myself. Not saying that I’m an attention whore or generally hog conversations, but...
